Insufferable Man
by Twirl
Summary: Conversation between Mal and Inara. Post BDM. Request from my dear freind, chocolateluver14.


One stroke over, two strokes under. One stroke over, two strokes under.

"We should oughta do this more often, Inara."

If it had been anyone else, Inara would not have been pleased that her concentration he been broken. But with Kaylee, Inara welcomed distractions. Especially when brushing the young mechanic's hair. Even for one with training as a Companion and even for one who exercised discipline in all aspects of her life, brushing the cheerful mechanic's hair was a… happy chore. Honestly, how did the girl's hair get so… unorganized? Perhaps shampooing it with a healthy layer of engine grease everyday had something to do with it…

Inara gave a small smile at the girl's words, leaning forwards slightly, to see her. "We might be able to Kaylee, if someone wasn't so busy all the time with a certain young doctor." Inara said slyly.

Inara was rewarded with a gasp and a sharp turn from the mechanic. "Inara!" Kaylee protested, her face turning a brilliant shade of scarlet. "Simon ain't never—"

"Kaylee I thought I was pretty specific about where I expect you to be when there's work to be done."

Inara looked up, away from her current job. "And I thought I was pretty specific about you coming into my shuttle unannounced." Inara said, almost forgetting that Kaylee was there. Mal was… so insufferable sometimes. Didn't that man understand that this was _her_ shuttle? Not his. But hers.

Mal ignored Inara, his eyes on the mechanic. "There ain't nothin' wrong engine, Captain." Kaylee protested, standing up. Inara kept her eyes on Kaylee. They'd all been through a lot lately and if Mal made Kaylee cry, there'd be hell to pay.

Mal pointed at Kaylee, continuing, "Our resident doc just woke up and it seems he used something he shouldn't have to stand up and well-" Mal broke off and held out some small mechanical item to Kaylee.

The item meant nothing to Inara, but it clearly meant something to the mechanic, judging from the way Kaylee shot forwards. Mal held out the part for the girl to take. Much to Inara's displeasure, Mal didn't move form her doorway once Kaylee was long gone. "Next time, don't leave Simon alone…. Anywhere! Especially not my engine room! Something wrong with yer bunk!?"

Inara shook her head, carefully picking up the materials she had used trying to straighten out Kaylee's hair. "You know, Captain Reynolds," Inara said, putting the brush back on the table near her bed. "Kaylee's been through a lot lately. You could be a little nicer to her."

"Why?" Mal asked innocently, still not moving. "Simon's being nice enough to her for all of us."

At that, Inara couldn't help but give a small smile, which she made disappear before Mal could see it. Or at least she hoped. She shook her head, sitting down on her couch. There was nothing Inara could say to that. She wasn't going to dignify that with a comment.

Mal gave a small uncomfortable smile. "Well I guess I should get goin'." He said, taking a step backwards. "I like what you've done with the place. Looks like old times." He tried, waving his hands around to express his like, Inara supposed. "Anyway, I got some Captainy things to do. And I don't want to intrude on what your doing, so…"

"Oh please, Mal." Inara said with a small smile, crossing her legs. She was rewarded when the man stopped. It was fun to watch him squirm. "If you really felt bad about interrupting me, you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Mal gave a small smile at this.

"Reckon your right, Inara." Mal said, clearly taking her words as a sign to stay. Was she being unclear or was Mal being… unintelligent? No. Inara didn't want to go there. "You ain't tryin' to use your feminine wiles on me again, are you?" The cold hard criminal asked suspiciously, eyes narrowed at her.

Inara resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Mal's suspicion, ignoring it as best she could. "I never got a chance to thank you," Inara said, her dark eyes watching the man's every move. Mal seemed to be exploring her shuttle now. Nothing had really changed. Mal must have known that. It was plain as day that Mal was uncomfortable. "For saving me. Back in the training house."

Mal looked over at her, a smile on his face. "It was nothin'." The Captain said, reaching out and touching a rather delicate fan. It took sheer force of will for Inara not to smack him. She was trying to thank him. It might not be best to hit him while doing so. "'Sides, it ain't the first time I got myself beat up for you." Mal continued, stepping towards her, stopping just short of the table. "Remember when I got stabbed? Right here?"

Inara caught a glimpse of skin when Mal lifted his shirt before she had a chance to look away. "Yes, I remember." She said quickly, holding out a block Mal from view. She could just see him smiling at her over her hand. "You're never going to let that go, are you? I suppose I should be thankful that Operative didn't stab you."

"But he did!" Mal protested. Inara swore she could see a hint of a smile on his face. Mal was enjoying this, wasn't he? "Simon didn't tell you? I got stabbed, right here." With that, he started to lift his shirt again.

Inara panicked. She stood up quickly and grabbed his wrists, holding them down with strength she didn't know she had. "Yes, but I really don't need to see it, Mal." Inara said, looking up at him. "Ever."

It was when Mal looked down at her hands that Inara realized how close she was standing to him. Inara felt the heat rise to her face. "Ehm…" She released Mal as he cleared his throat, a little more than embarrassed.

"Well…" Mal said, looking as uncomfortable as she felt. Inara moved away from him, to a comfortable distance of several feet. Inara grabbed the fan that Mal had been so interested in earlier, and began to fan herself. Inara wasn't about to admit that she just wanted to get away from him. "You do owe me. For rescuing you, I mean."

Inara put a smile on her face. "Have you forgotten that I saved you? With the flash bomb?" Inara sat back down, smiling at Mal's abashed look. Something's never changed. Mal was an easy man to fluster. But it was a double edged sword. He was the only man that could get under her skin.

"You saved me?" Mal said, with a disbelieving laugh. He crossed his arms over his chest, holding up a finger. "I'm sorry, but I seem to recall me doing most- no, all of the fighting."

Inara barely kept herself from laughing. "Fighting? Please." Inara said, smiling at him. She knew she was right. Mal had done more losing than fighting. He was practically the Operative's punching bag. But some things were better let unsaid. Until Jayne was in the room, that is….

"Why'd you come after me alone?" It took Inara a moment to realize that the question had come from her own throat. Where had that come from? "And in a dress?" It was a valid question. There were a few male Companions in the Training House. "Surely Zoë would have been better off-"

"In the dress?" Mal finished, ceasing his exploration of her refurnished shuttle. He gave her a small smirk. "Told you that already. Tactics. Needed her on the ship. 'Sides its not everyday a man like me gets a chance to wear a frilly dress to rescue a member of his crew."

Inara didn't know how to respond to that. The was the greatest compliment Mal could give. Especially since she wasn't a member of the crew. She just rented the shuttle. "I-uh…" She started, speechless for once. There was so much she wanted to say to him. So much she should have said months and months ago. But Inara couldn't find the words. She couldn't find the strength. It would have to wait until she was stronger. When she was braver.

It was Mal who finally broke the awkward silence. "I really ought to go. Captainy duties and such."

"Right," Inara said distantly, eyes on Mal. He turned slowly, about to leave. The breath caught in Inara's throat when he turned to leave. If life had taught her anything recently, it was that life was unfairly short. And it was now or never. Fortune favors the brave, right? "Mal, wait!"

Inara stood, moving a few steps closer to the Captain before her nerve failed her. How did Mal do that? Make her a coward when no one else could? Mal turned, stopping just short of her doorway. From past experience, Inara knew that there was no getting rid of Mal now. Why didn't she just let him leave when she had the chance?

"Yes?" Mal said, eyes on her, arms crossed over his chest. The expectant tone in his voice almost made her cringe. Yes. There was no way Mal was leaving her shuttle now of his own free will. Not without an answer.

"Oh, nothing." Inara tried, nearly frozen in spot. But with what? Fear? Love? A whole host of unlikely emotions? Whatever it was, Inara just hoped that Mal would accept her answer and leave. Now.

To Inara's disbelief, Mal merely gave her a lopsided grin and said, "Inara, you ain't much of a liar." Didn't they teach you anything at the whore Academy?" It took Mal a second to realize what he had just said. The man seemed to deflate and gave Inara an almost fearful glance. Truthfully, Inara could have kissed him for calling her a whore right now. It gave her an excuse to kick him out of her shuttle.

"Whore?" Inara repeated, trying her best to look appalled. "That certainitly didn't take long. I'm trying to thank you for saving me and here you are, insulting me. Mal, you-"

"You're lying." Mal cut in. Inara's voice broke off. She didn't know how he did that. Inara opened her mouth then shut it again, speechless. Mal merely grinned at her. "If you were really mad, you'd be pacing. You'd have gotten up and pointed at me. Anything but just standin' there." Inara didn't know what to say, and Mal only smiled at her. "Inara, you really ain't much of a liar."

Inara opened and closed her mouth again, not quite knowing what to say to that. The man was as insufferable as he was brilliant. Mal must have been enjoying this. "I-uh…" Inara started, trying to find words. She just wanted him out of her shuttle. Now. Was that so much to ask?

"Ee-chee shung-hoo-shee." Mal said, stepping forwards. Inara stayed where she was, eyes on the Captain. "Just tell me what you wanted to say, Inara, so I can get on with my Captainy duties with a sound mind."

Inara felt the heat rise to her face. A Companion who blushed wasn't a common thing, but right now Inara wished she could be ordinary. Control her blushing. "I-uh…" Was that all she could say? Inara cleared her throat, willing strength. "It's nothing, Mal. Really. I wouldn't want to distract you 'Captainy' mind."

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Oh please, Inara." Mal said, crossing his arms over his chest. "If you really felt bad about troubling me, you wouldn't have asked me to wait." Inara glared up at him, but Mal only held his hands up slightly, as if in surrender.

Inara sighed, turning away from Mal, moving to her dresser. She didn't know why, but she wanted something to do. A reason to turn her back on Mal. "Mal, you're impossible." She said.

"And you're stalling." Mal said behind her. Inara glanced at Mal, half-glaring. In the corner of her eye, she spotted the fan she had been using earlier laying on the couch. For the life of her, she couldn't remember laying it down. She blamed Mal.

"It's stupid, Mal." She insisted, picking up her fan carefully. One look at Mal told her the hardened criminal wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer much longer. And she wasn't brave enough to actually tell him when she wanted to. She needed to come up with something on the spot to make him leave. If Mal could do it, so could she. How hard could fabricating be?

"It's just that.." Inara started, sitting down, fanning herself gracefully. "Back at the Training House, when you came to save me…" Inara started, eyes never leaving Mal. "You… said something." Oh yeah. That was eloquent.

"Said a lot of things, as I recall." Mal said, eyes on Inara, looking slightly impatient. Guess he wasn't making up the Captainy duties, Inara thought. "Least of which being 'I'm here to rescue you'."

Inara resisted to roll her eyes once more, trying to continue. Fabricating was harder than she had thought. Maybe she should just tell him… No. She had already co0mmited to lying. For better or worse. Inara was committed to lying to the only man who could tell when she was. "I-uh…" She said again, hating the look on his face. It was somehow a mix of amusement and… some other emotion she couldn't identify. All she knew was that Mal was enjoying himself. The man opened his mouth to speak when inspiration struck.

"You asked Buddha for something." Inara said before Mal had a chance to speak. She honestly had no idea what she was saying anymore. "A pony and a plastic rocket, if I recall." Mal was silent, to Inara's relief. Fabricating was much harder than she thought. How did Mal do this on a daily basis? "It's just that… You were going to as for something else and I interrupted you." Inara gave a confused looking Mal a smile. "It's been bothering me ever since. What else were you going to ask the Buddha for?"

Mal blinked, opening his mouth and shutting it soon after. Then, he pointed at her, arms half-crossed over his chest. "Wuh tzai chien shr ee-ding ruh dao shuh0muh run luh bah…" Mal said in disbelief. "You were chased by Reavers, shot at by the Alliance and nearly killed ten times over and this has been bothering you?" Inara resisteda smile. If she smiled, it would have given away that she was hiding something. And Mal said she wasn't much of a liar….

"I told you it was stupid, Mal." She said, unable to keep a small smile off her face. Then, remembering when Mal had said about her lying ability and her movements, Inara stood, moving closer to him. "But it's just been bothering me, Mal. What else were you going to ask for?"

Mal stared at her for a moment, giving Inara the feeling that he thought she was turning into River. "Well," Mal said, starting to recover somewhat. "I reckon that's a question that requires a moment's consideration."

Inara couldn't believe this. She had fabricated the question so he could answer it and leave. Not so he could stay and analyze it. Inara was beginning to regret not simply kicking him out after Kaylee left. "Run-tse duh fwotzoo." She snapped, losing control briefly. "This isn't a political debate, Mal! Just answer the gorram question!"

Mal raised an eyebrow at her outburst, and Inara realized what just happened. It was very improper for a Companion to lose control like that. On top of that, she had just uttered the word 'gorram'. She needed to regain control and Mal needed to answer the question and leave before she really did turn into River.

To Inara's relief, Mal seemed to get the feeling that he needed to provide some form of answer and get back to his Captainy duties. "Your right, Inara," Mal said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Back at the Training House when I was dressed as a woman and had plenty of other things on my mind, I did ask Buddha for something. And I was about to ask for something else, until I was rudely interrupted."

'This must be how River feels on a daily basis." Inara thought, eyes on the insufferable man. First, he barged into her shuttle, then he has the nerve to stay. Then, she tries to tell him that life was too gorram short to keep acting like children. Then she lost her nerve and she fabricated a pointless question to get him to leave. And now she wanted to know the answer to the pointless question! "Mal," She said, feeling spent. Just talking to him was exhausting. "Just tell me what else you wanted and get out."

Inara didn't like the smile on Mal's face. "Alright, Inara." He said, his face turning suspiciously serious. "What else would I have asked the Buddha for?" Inara suspected that Mal was speaking as slowly as he could just to drive her insane. Mal needed to answer the question, and now he was stalling. Inara was about to snap at him when he continued.

"You gotta figure though, Inara." He said, looking down at her. "After a pony and a plastic rocket, what more could a man want?" With that, the Captain gave her a smirk, and turned, leaving her shuttle at long last. There was a bounce in his step Inara swore she was not imagining.

The Companion was frozen in place, her eyes on the spot Mal had been seconds before. That man was the most impossible, insufferable man she ever met in her life.

Now she just had to decide if she wanted to kill him or kiss him for it.

* * *

**Whoo! That took forever and a half to type. This story started as a prompt from my dear friend, chocolateluver14, who requested a fic in which it was revealed what else Mal wanted from Buddha. Needless to say, it evolved and got rather... complicated and long. Reviews are love!**


End file.
